AskMen.com - Jake Brennan

"I don't wanna tell ya. First, ya gotta tell me what the hell this metrosexual business is about, so's I'll know if I done the right thing or not. So spill, brainiac."

With so many buzzwords making their way onto, across, and off the scene before you can say "supercalafragilisticexpi" -- okay, before you can say "boo" -- you've probably already noticed that you need help keeping up with today's hippest terms. One of the latest to confuse alert readers is metrosexual. Witness this: Joe says to Tyrone, "So this... guy, at work today, he calls me a metrosexual at lunch in front of a bunch of people at the coffee machine. I didn't know what to do!" "Whatever did you do?" implored Tyrone, with mock interest in Joe's latest miniature social crisis. "Well," said Joe, taking the cue, "I wasn't quite sure what he meant. So I says to him, 'What did you mean?' But before he can say anything... I'm just filled with this rage, you know?" says Joe. "So what did you do?" implored Tyrone, this time with genuine interest in his friend's violent tendencies. "I don't wanna tell ya. First, ya gotta tell me what the hell this metrosexual business is about, so's I'll know if I done the right thing or not. So spill, brainiac." Tyrone considered his response carefully, finally coming up with "Uhh...?" If a situation like this one has befallen you or someone you know, don't worry friend, you're not alone. The term in question is so close to something you firmly identify with, but as with "murse" (or "manbag," i.e. a man's purse), that first letter changes everything. So before you go punching some guy in the mouth that you shouldn't have -- or worse, go missin' out on poppin' some guy ya shooda (which would probably indicate that you're not a metrosexual) -- how about a little edification, for the road. what is a metrosexual? The newly popular media and marketing buzzword seems to mean different things to different people, but in general, a metrosexual: is a modern, usually single man in touch with himself and his feminine side; grooms and buffs his head and body, which he drapes in fashionable clothing both at work or before hitting an evening hotspot; has discretionary income to stay up to date with the latest hairstyles, the newest threads, and the right shaped shoes; confuses some guys when it comes to his sexuality; makes these same guys jealous of his success with the ladies -- for many metros, to interact with women is to flirt; impresses the women who enjoy his company with the details that make the man; Among them: his appreciation for literature, cinema, or other arts his flair for cooking his savoir faire in choosing the perfect wine and music his eye for interior design is a city boy or, if living a commute away from downtown, is still urbane, if not rightly urban; enjoys reading men's magazines...    what's sexuality got to do with it? If Mark Simpson is gay, does that mean metrosexuals are too? Most current references seem to peg metros as hetero, but in Simpson's original definition, orientation was unimportant. Simpson clarified this point in an interview with Russia's OM Magazine, explaining, "Metrosexuality is in fact the end of 'sexuality'." He goes on to say that when it comes to metros, sexuality "is utterly immaterial because the metrosexual has taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual aim. Desire in the metrosexual has been uncoupled, or at least irretrievably loosened, from reproduction and gender -- and reattached to commercial signs. Adverts. Images. Icons. Brands." In general parlance, to be called metrosexual is not to be called gay, but rather sensitive, chic and cultured. who coined the term? Mark Simpson, a British and outspokenly gay social "commentarist," first published the term in a 1994 article called "Here Come The Mirror Men," which ran in Britain's Independent. The concept was developed thanks to Simpson's book on masculine identity in a media-driven world, called Male Impersonators: Men Performing Masculinity.