Hey man! Thanks for sharing your story and for being bold enough to seek answers to your difficult questions.
I'll preface my response by clearly declaring that there's no easy answer or quick fix to any issues along this line. Please take your
time and be patient so that you make the best choices for your life.
It's so easy to suggest either holding to your religious convictions or letting them go to follow your sexual attractions. But, that wouldn't be fair to you. I think everyone in the world feels compelled to either live on a heterosexual or a homosexual plane. However, there is a plane which few people live on. Very few people ever live a permanently single life! That's another plane to consider!
With all of the emotional, mental, and spiritual confusion, it often takes a lifetime to sort through it all! Consider living a lifestyle of loving yourself instead of feeling the need to make choices based solely on external variables [expectations of religion, your struggle to please everyone, and the self-seeking opinions of your "friends"]! If you think you'll be unhappy trying to develop a relationship with a female or unhappy trying to be with a male because of the stigma attached, then consider being alone. I don't think we ever take that into consideration! Plus, I think people create an internal handicap when they reduce happiness and love to mere sexual attraction. When we are old and sexual desires dissipate, what will we have or look forward to gaining from a relationship? Let the answer to that question guide you!
Honesty is key here! Be honest with yourself and do your best to figure out which path you want to take. It's ultimately up to you, not Redd! I can't answer whether or not you are "DL" because I don't subscribe to useless labels and I can't determine something like that based on a few paragraphs. That question is yours to answer, if it even needs to be answered. It's futile. It's a question based on how others perceive you. But, I'm trying to get you to look at yourself and stop worrying so much about everyone else's ideas and ideals!
You feel like this is a "lose/lose" situation, but I disagree. I think this is your opportunity to learn more about yourself. You can't lose when you take the time to do that! Try this: focus on school and getting your Ph.D! Start writing your thoughts daily and begin weighing the pros and cons of being with a woman, a man, and or alone! Take the next six (6) to twelve (12) months to work on that as you work dilligently toward your Ph.D! This will help you make the best choice for your life without the direct influence of people on the outside looking in! Think about it!
From my lips to your soul...
Redd