PHASE 1: Single Black female referred to the site by best friend who is "gay."

"Shannon," it seems to me that you have fallen into a trap. You were set up by your best friend! Just from what you wrote, I imagine that he is the kind of stereotypical guy who men in the closet [and on this site] tend to stay far away from. Sounds like a prime example of the stereotypical homosexual man who's goal in life is to prove that he knows who is "gay" due to his mythical "gaydar" and uninformed opinions [about things deeper than he will ever be capable of diving into].

You have obviously been influenced by his sterotypical ideas of what a "gay" or bisexual man "looks" like. You've asked him what you are asking me. But, ironically he didn't have an educated answer for your questions so he sent you to a site where Black men on the "Down Low" are known to frequent. He didn't send you specifically to an advisor, counselor, Psychologist, or Psychiatrist who would better serve your needs. He used your situation to promote and satisfy his personal agenda. I hope you are following my logic here. You just happened to STUMBLE onto this advice section but that wasn't what you were sent to look for. Very interesting to me. Even though he is your friend, he did you a disservice.

"Shannon," the first things you must do as a Black woman are to clear your head of any preconceived ideas about bisexuality and homosexuality then open your mind to learning as much as possible about the two! Next, you must AVOID feeding into the negative extremes and misinformed stereotypes which people in the Black community love to promote! Hopefully this is a new day for you "Shannon" as well as for the countless other Black females reading these words.

By the way, an extremely [sterotypical] flamboyant homosexual male [which Black females flock to] is just as dangerous as an extremely undercover pseudo-masculine homosexual male. Every extreme is unhealthy and imbalanced. That goes for extremes as well as for stereotypes. Please keep that in mind!

PHASE 2: Casually involved with a guy for three (3) years you once worked with...

Obviously, you worked with the guy and had a general idea of what he was like. You were drawn to him because you've been casually involved for three (3) years now. There are multiple things that you liked [and still like] even though there are things you now question. Try to hone in on what you liked [and like] and measure those against the things you question. It sounds like you're interested enough to consider more than just the casual relationship you have now. I assume that he likes you just as much because he has been with you all this time as well!

PHASE 3: This guy has a fetish for thumb rings...

You need to find out [from him] why he has a fascination with thumb rings before you make an assumption. In Buddist culture, thumb rings are worn by men as a symbol of being blessed. It is also believed that the thumb ring has an alluring power. It it supposed to spiritually attract one's "soulmate" to oneself. In astrology, the thumb represents the planet Venus [the planet of feelings, seduction, and persuasion]. So thumb rings are symbols that help one enhance their ability to feel and be seductive. It is an ignorant MYTH [in Black American society] that men [in general] who wear thumb rings are "gay." Please ask the guy why he likes thumb rings. The answer may surprise you.

PHASE 4: Openly admits he would have sex with a male celebrity for the right price!

When the movie "Indecent Proposal" came out in 1993, my father [a comfortably heterosexual Black man married at that point for twenty (20) years to his High School sweetheart - my mother] said to my mother, "For a million dollars, I would sleep with Robert Redford too!" We laughed. It was funny. However, my parents are still together and my mother IS NOT worried, I promise! You know what, for a million dollars he probably WOULD do it too. But, the opportunity may never arise. So, life goes on.

I don't know the context of your conversation with your guy so I can't judge him based on a few words probably taken out of context that I didn't hear with my own ears! Same goes for his alleged comments about "men wearing gaudy jewelry, addressing them as gay...!" I wasn't there and he isn't here to defend himself so I won't touch that. Ear bars and nose rings are NOT symbols of bisexuality or homosexuality. Now, if he had a fascination with "rainbow flags," you may be on to something [joke]. Though I'm laughing, that [seriously] isn't the case here.

PHASE 5: He has mutilated his body with tattoos in the most unusual places... like his shoulder and foot

The tatoo issue sounds more like something that bothers YOU "Shannon" and less of a case for his sexuality. I say that because you used the word MUTILATED. I doubt that he thinks he "mutilated" his body in any way. You need to take him as he is. Just because you don't care for his tatoos doesn't mean you should care any less about him. His style and tastes are unusual [especially by the "norms" of the average Black American]. At the same time, unusual doesn't denote bisexual or homosexual!

CONCLUSION:

I can't answer whether or not this guy is bisexual or homosexual. Only he can do that. If I judge him, I become just like the ignorant people I'm fighting to educate. I become the blind leading the blind and we'll still get nowhere fast. I refuse to be irresponsible and cause major damage to myself, to you [as a single Black female], to him [as a man who is probably just expressing himself the best way he knows how], or to those who are reading and learning today!

This isn't an issue of bisexuality or homosexuality per se. It's an issue of ignorance [in the Black, heterosexual, bisexual, and homosexual communities], lack of communication, personal insecurity, and unresolved trust issues. "Shannon," communicate with this man! Be open and transparent so that you can both build up your levels of trust. When that happens, you can be secure in your relationships [casual or otherwise]. Then you [and your female friends] won't have to sneak around to look for him or his friends on sites like this. That's the real issue! Learn to be honest. Learn to communicate. Learn to trust. Finally, learn how to put out the fire of ignorance instead of being the fuel that keeps the fire burning!

From my lips to your soul...

Redd